Jesse and Mike vs The Murderer
Description Youtube vs Roblox. Both combatants are popular on the internet. Not to mention the fact that both are criminals. Interlude Hyper Anon:The Internet one of the best things ever. It has as sorts of entertaiment. But the best form of entertainment is Crime. The connection? Crime Fighter vs Criminal. Doge:Jesse and Mike, the idiot brothers Spongebob:And the Murderer the villain of Mad Murderer. Hyper Anon:I'm Hyper Anon and They are Doge and Spongebob. And it's our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a death battle. Jesse and Mike Hyper Anon:In the year 2007 Jesse and Mike used to be normal brothers. Until in their first episode Halloween Night. Doge:That shit scared the fuck out of me. It was a creepy ass story where Mike was watching a scary movie while eating microwave popcorn and gets a phone call from Jesse who was playing a Wii tennis which is totally a waste of halloween, he should be playing a scary zombie game or something. Mike tells Jesse to come over to his house since he's not trick or treating. Then a masked maurader came in his house holding a fucking knife! ''' Spongebob:Which was Jesse wearing a mask and was pranking him. When Mike answered the door again it was Jesse while the first Jesse mike encountered was creepily holding a knife behind his back. '''Doge:I'm going to have nightmares. So after that they became prepared for multiple adventures that they are practically nearly prepared. Until they mess up some shit and fail. (Jesse sprays Mike's eyes with pepper spray aiming for a robber.) Background Names:Jesse and Mike Age:20s First Appearence:Halloween Night(2007) Occupation: Playing Video games,pulling pranks,and doing fun activites. Are both idiots. ' Hyper Anon:Both Jesse and Mike are in good psychically. They can lift a body and are fast enough to can run away from multiple foes. '''Doge:When they don't get their asses kicked by robbers,murderers,and other creatures, they beat the shit out of them. But they aren't really smart. And by Not really smart I mean completely idiots. ' Spongebob:Bruh. They aren't really fast either. But they have a car that gives them faster transportation. They use it a lot. They are better drivers than me. (Shows Mike running over Jesse's foot with his car as well as their dad) Spongebob:Much Better. Hyper Anon: Jesse and Mike are durable enough to tank Zombie attacks as well as seemingly fatal accidents such as getting impaled through the hand and electricuted. They are also got several fighting styles such as wrestling. '''Doge:But the best part is each brother has their own weapon as well as their own personality. (Shows Jesse and Mike arguing.) Psychically Strength Can lift a body Can wrestle Speed Can run away from people Can drive a car Durability Can tank Zombie attacks and fataal accidents. Spongebob:Jesse and Mike both wield pistols which they normally shoot monsters with. Doge:Such as Zombies,Serial Killers,Bank Robbers,and Dangerous Creatures. What the Hell?!!?!?!?!??!?! I want to fight those! Hyper Anon:Everyone does. Jesse has a backup gun. The dart gun. Doge:A combination of 2 awesome weapons. Guns and Darts. One time he oneshotted a robber and the bullet killed him instantly! Another time he knocked down some doctor guy by shooting him in the neck. Only for him to get up and punch out his heart. Damn that's brutal. ''' Spongebob:Jesse has a stun gun in his car. He used it to electricute Mike after getting hit with in the groin with a soccer ball. '''Doge:So he electricuted the hell out of him is the answer to getting hit in the nuts with a soccer ball. Hyper Anon:Yeah Pretty much. Jesse is very skilled with the dart. Which is why he weilds a dartgun. He can use darts itself. They can hit targets. Doge:They also have a pretty long needle because one was long enough to impale Mike's head. I wish regular darts can do that, they would fucking brutilate the target. Spongebob:Jesse is skilled with the nunchucks. Yes I mean this idiot is skilled with a ninja weapon. He got on for Christmas because he liked kung fu movies. Doge:How come I don't get guns because I like western movies. Jesse ironically gets skills with the nunchuck just by watching kung fu movies. With this he nearly cracked Mike's bones and made him bleed like hell. Hyper Anon:Jesse also has a third arm located in his stomach area- Doge:He grew it after drinking some sick gatorade he found an dried up alien pickled in. That shit's gross. I like gatorade but I wouldn't drink something an alien bathes in. Spongebob:He can control the 3rd arm such as making it clap. (Jesse starts clapping as his third arm joins in between his right and left arm Jesse:It's a triclap! Hyper Anon:Jesse has a katana. We have no idea how and why he has one. It appeared in "SWORD SWALLOWING ACCIDENT." where Jesse decided to swallow a sword. Doge:Hhehehehehehe Swallowing a sword sounds weird. It kinda sounds like the metal version of swallowing a-''' Spongebob:The sword is long enough to pierce his butt. '''Doge:another even more absurb weapon is the spear. We have no freaking idea why does he have one. Is he a native American or something. If so he owes me turkey for Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!! Hyper Anon:The spear can impale someone's chest but somehow can not kill them. For self defense or security Jesse has pepper spray. Doge:One time a robber was trying to rob his house and Mike wrestled him so he grabbed his bottle. You probably expect for Jesse to spray the Robber's eyes. But no he missed and hit Mike. It was good while it lasted. Spongebob:One day Jesse was in Mike's room eating cheetos and Mike came in the room. Mike told Jesse not to get any cheese stains on the table. This encouraged Jesse to do so. He smeared cheese all over it. Mike got mad and wrestled him. Doge:And Jesse kicked Mike in the nuts so hard he must have shattered his balls and that gave Mike a squeaky voice. What a dick. No pun intended. Jesse Pistol Dartgun ''' '''Darts Stungun Third arm Sword Spear Pepper Spray Groin Kick Hyper Anon:Mike has a tazer where he one time electricuted Jesse with. Doge:And by electricuted I mean fucking tazered for 1 minute until he pissed himself. I mean he litterally pissed himself! Spongebob: This shows that the tazer is strong enough to control someone's bladder. Doge:Mike has a bow and arrow. He is actually skilled with it. Like the idiot version of Katniss Everdeen. He thought he could shoot an apple off Jesse. But he failed Hyper Anon: The arrow can impale Jesse's chest as well as his back and butt. Doge:But in the end the arrow finally impaled the apple! Spongebob:Not only is Mike skilled with the arrow he is also skilled with the knife. Especially throwing it. Doge:That fits perfectly with the fact that they are criminals. Damn why don't they just use the knifes. Hyper Anon:The Knife impaled Jesse's hand. The hand is made up with mostly bone. That means Mike threw the knife with enough force to break through the bones. Doge:What the hell how can some idiot cut throught muscle and bone just by throwing a knife? Hyper Anon:We have no idea. Anyway it also appeared in biggest zit ever where Mike tried to cut off Jesse's zit. Doge:Seriously I don't know what's worse cutting it off or waiting for it to expand and explode into a mess of puss and shit. Spongebob: Mike has a lot weapons since he always gets Jesse into serious trouble. Such as an Axe. Doge:Can I "Axe" you a question? How the hell do they have all this stuff? Get it? ''' Hyper Anon:First of all that joke sucked big time. Second of all nobody knows. They just have that stuff. Spongebob:We might never know. Spongebob:The axe was strong enough to dig itself into Jesse's chest. It was also strong enough to kill Jesse where he was buried. Or so we thought as it turns out Jesse was just admiring the grave before going to the hospital. '''Doge:Why does he have to do that. He will freaking bleed to death while admiring. Hyper Anon:Mike somehow has a bowling ball. Which he got after he said "I gonna get a bowling ball and hurl it at you straight up." Doge:That's just cheesy. How does he get one without going to the bowling alley? Spongebob:No idea. Mike weilds a flamethrower. Doge:Flamethrowers, hell yeah one day it was a full moon and a werewolf came out and tried to maul the hell out of Jesse. So Mike pulled it out and tried to burn the werewolf. He managed to scare the wolf away but he gave Jesse a 3rd burn that didn't heal for a weak. Damn I could borrow that thing. Not the mention the ammount of flames it emitted. Hyper Anon:Throughout the series Mike seems arguably more lucky as well as better survival skills than Jesse. Sure Jesse is smarter but Mike seems to stay out of trouble. Doge:Nearly every episode Mike always gets Jesse screwed up and manages to avoid the injuries such as getting impaled,broken bones,or sickness. Mike Tazer Bow and Arrow Knife Axe Bowling Ball Flamethrower More sucessful and better survival skills than Jesse. Spongebob:Jesse and Mike have a lot of the same stufff that includes multiple power tools such as drills,hammers,saws,nail guns,buzzsaws,and more. They usually cause trouble with it. Doge:Talk about Screwing things up. Not only that but they weild some sports objects such as baseballs,baseball bats,and footballs. Man they shouldn't have this stuff since they are gonna getting in trouble big time. Hyper Anon:Ocassionally Jesse and Mike used a fishing hook. They used it for fishing such as..... trying to catch a large shark. One time Mike's fishing hook was strong enough to Impale Jesse's lip and ripped it off. Doge:Damn That's brutal and then it fell in the dirt and got infected. Spongebob:That's not all. They have boxes of the most powerfull batteries. The nine volt batterie. They are strong enouch electricute someone badly. Other Weapons Powertools Sports Stuff Fishing Hook 9v Batteries Hyper Anon:When Jesse and Mike need extra help they use Dave. A talking robot that Jesse made... and cut off his finger in doing so. Doge:Then Dave reattached his finger. Talk about a success. Dave is a medic able to know how to heal Jesse and Mike, I personally would build a robot for destruction! According to Jesse when Dave was trying to rescue Mike when he had his leg bitten by a killer Alligator...okay... Dave is stronger than the average man. So Dave pulled Mike out of the alligator's mouth and ripped off his freaking leg Hyper Anon:Dave doesn't have much psychically other than moving across the room with ease but he is very smart able to think of multiple helpfull ideas for Jesse and Mike. Dave Medic Strong enough to free Mike from alligator and ripped off his leg in doing so. Can move across a house with ease Can provide usefull and smart ideas for Jesse and Mike. Spongebob:Jesse and Mike aren't perfect. They aren't very smart and lack IQ. Doge: You may wonder how much that would affect the battles. Since they get into a lot of trouble and accidents because of that. Well. A lot. Hyper Anon:Jesse and Mike aren't really the best team. They have had multiple conflict and arguments. Doge:While they have fought multiple foes. They are accident prone and get into trouble. By a lot I mean beyond a lot. So much you will practically loose count. Weaknesses Aren't Very smart Get into conflict Accident Prone a lot. Spongebob:Netherless Jesse and Mike have done some amazing things over their adventures. They survived zombies,dinosaurs,murderers,hitmen,werewolfs,animals with diseases,and even devils Doge:Damnnnn that's a lot of stuff Hyper Anon:It doesn't stop there. One time after going fishing, they caught a big shark and after a minute they caught the shark. And by big I mean he weighs practically 1 ton. Doge:Not to mention they survived Godzilla destroying the city, not to mention he was fighting Muto. Do you know how much of the city he would destroy. Once they decided to call Bloody Mary to see if she is real. She came out of the mirror and beat the shit out of them. In the end they were both alive. Only Jesse was missing his hair and Mike had his eyes gouged. That proves they are durable enough to survive Bloody Mary with only minor injuries. Not mention Bloody Mary is basically freaking demon and Jesse and Mike are idiots. Spongebob:One day when scientists cloned a T Rex which went on a rampage and basically attacked everything, Jesse and Mike ran to a car and drove away. But however the T Rex couldn't catch up to the car and they lost him except when Jesse fell out of the car. Kinda like Jurassic Park. Hyper Anon:One day they ate the world's hottest peppers. So hot they are illegal. Doge:After eating it Mike Litterally fucking breathed fire which burned off Jesse's eyebrows. Feats Fought multiple creatures and bad guys Caught a 1 ton shark Survived getting attacked by Bloody Mary Car outran a T-Rex. Doge:Jesse and Mike may be idiots but they can screw you up like they do to themselves. The Murderer Hyper Anon:It was the year 2014. There where a city of citizens. However every now and then Someone goes crazy. Doge:And when he goes crazy he kills the shit out of everyone. He is now know as the murderer. Spongebob: The murderer is basically just a citizen with a knife. Doge:A knife that can oneshot People! Anyway he is missing the most important step of being a murderer. He has to dispose of the body. He can't just leave it to rot like that. Background ''' '''Name:Varies Age:Late teens to early 20s First appereance:Mad Murderer(2014) Occcupation:Killing Is just a citizen with a knife Hyper Anon:Apparently The Murderer's main weapon is his knife. He is very skilled at it. Doge:Duh! What murderer doesn't? Spongebob:He can use it in slashes,stabs,and can throw it. Doge:Throwing knifes! Hell yeah. Wouldn't he have to remove the knife from the Victom's body so the Sheriff won't find his finger prints? Hyper Anon:I'm pretty sure the citizens are to dumb to look. Spongebob: The knife can most likely cut deep into the innocents' organs for them to die instantly. Projectile knifes are the fastest way to kill someone. Slashing can be used as a sneak attack. Doge:Knifes. One of my favorite ways of killing. Using both brute force and strategies this makes the knife a deadly weapon. Knife Very Skill with it Can cut deep into people's organs Can be used for Slashes and Stabs Can be thrown Hyper''' Anon:While the Murder is reluctant on the knife he also has a big psycically. With a simple slash he can ocassionally cut off someones' limbs. He is also strong enough to throw a knife approximately 20 feet away. '''Doge:When clashed against one of the best weapons to ever match the knife, the gun, The Murderer has proven himself to even dodge bullets a few times. By the way the relover the Sheriff uses to kill him can fire bullets so fast you can't even see them in midair. So that's basically having a reaction speed faster than the blink of an eye which is 0.3 seconds. Spongebob:Not to mention he is fast enough to run around a village and chase foes with ease. The Murderer's main psychically is his smarts. He is smart enough to fool other opponents as well as thinking of multiple strategies. Doge:You probably wish to play any other roblox game because when his strategy is to kill anyone who is unprepared which encludes when you are shitting. When he comes in you are like "What the hell are you doing you fucking pervert get out. I am taking a shit." And The Murderer is like. "I am going to kill you because you are to busy." And you are like "Not when I am trying to take a shit you asshole. GAAAAAAAAH!" ''' '''Psychically Strength Can cut off limbs with his knife Can throw a knife 20 feet away Speed Can Dodge Relover Bullets Can run around a city with ease Can chase foes Intellect Can think of multiple strategies Has different ways to attack Uses Clever ways to strike without being caught Hyper Anon:However in order for his clever plans to work. The Murderer needs distractions. Doge:Since it sucks since the Sheriff has an gun the Murderer can use a makeshift gun that innocents have as well. This is the Fire exintinquisher. It shoots.... well foam. Lame. Spongebob:Not just foam. Solid foam balls that are like 4 feet large. It doesn't do much but it is a distraction and will buy the Murderer enough time to murder you with a knife. Hyper Anon: After being so skilled with the knife he mastered spork bending. Doge:Sporks?! Really? Spongebob:Hold that thought Doge. All though Sporks don't really harm people. The Sporks can be thrown and when they hit an object they make a boinging noise. This can distract innocents. They can change color after being thrown. Doge:Da Powa Of Da Sporks!!!!!hshfhgfsahgashghgfhgfhhgfkh! GET REKT INOSANTS! Distractions/other objects. Fire Extinquisher Sporks. Hyper Anon: The Mad Murderer can't just conquer people with a regular knife so he needs upgrades. Doge:Like his laser knife! No wonder the Sheriff is pissed at him because he stole his tazer and used it to make a baby with his knife. Spongebob:The Knife can apparently blast lazers. Doge:Lazers! Hell yeah! Anyway even he misses out comes out a fucking lazer! You are like "Whew he misses." And the Murderer says "Nope!" And a lazer comes out and kills you. No one suspects the lazers. Murderer throws knife causing a lazer to come out. MLG kid:There's no school! Innocent dies Hyper Anon:The Murderer wields an exploding knife. Doge:It's basically like a kick in the balls for you. If getting impaled isn't enough now you have to have your limbs and head blown off and blasted to various parts of the room! ''' Spongebob:Inorder for the exploding knife to blow off all of someone's limbs and head it would have to create strong explosion. '''Doge:How come when the knife explodes it doesn't wipe out everyone around the scene? Hyper Anon:The explosion may be strong enough to dismember people but it only creates a small explosion. Doge:It may be small but still as long as it fucking blows people apart that's good it my book. Spongebob:The Robloxian has the ghost knife. A knife that can go through up to 5 objects. Doge:But wouldn't he go through the knife since it is a ghost. Hyper Anon:We don't know how it works. With this makes it hard to hide and avoid him. In order to increase his psychically he uses Fury. Not only does it make him madder, It make him throw knifes faster and most likely a strength increase in order for him to throw knifes faster. Doge:Ever been so mad you threw a knife at someone faster than the average person? Get it? Spongebob:The Murderer can also use shapeshift to shapeshift into other people. Doge:Here is a question how come he doesn't shape shift into a knife? It's better to be the weapon than to be using one. Hyper Anon:He can only shapeshift into people even if he could shapeshift into Knives he would die instantly because Knives aren't alive. Spongebob:The Murderer doesn't have good durability. (All Laugh) Doge:I Mean He fucking sucks so he uses the bullet proof upgrade. Which doubles his durability and make him able to survive bullets. You Probably think it is awesome but..... (All Laugh Again) Hyper Anon:It kinda doesn't do much. With it he can only survive one extra bullet. That's about it. In order to be able to get the innocents without them running away he uses the invicible knife. Doge:An Invisible Knife? How can he use it if he can see it. He might accidently cut off his own dick. Spongebob:The Knife isn't invisible. It makes him invisible. Doge:So He can just go invisible at the beginning. Hyper Anon:Yeah pretty much Doge:Oh that Bastard! Spongebob:Hold that though Doge it only lasts for 10 seconds. Besides this isn't even the most annoying upgrade ever. The Spam Knife. Which allows him to spam the knife throw. Doge:Not even the innocents or even the Sheriffs can resist the power of the spam! It's more annoying than the junkmail. Hyper Anon: His most signature upgrade is the indentifer. With this his mind can scan everyone's indentity if they are a innocent,sheriff, or other murderer. He doesn't just predict it. He litterally knows it. Doge:I hope he doesn't do that to me. He shall never know my indentity. Mad Murderer Upgrades Lazer Knife Exploding Knife Ghost Knife Fury Bullet Proof Invisible Knife Spam Knife. Hyper Anon:Just because we decide to gjve this dude some extra upgrades we will be using some things from twisted murderer. Such as the flamming knife- Doge:A knife that burns the hell out of you. It literally burns you until you are fried to a flamming skelaton. Scorpion we found someone that can relate to you! Spongebob:He can also use the ice knife to freeze people. But it doesn't kill- Doge:Sub Zero! We fou-Wait What. That sucks. Hyper Anon:It does something better. It litterally Freezes someone and leaves them there until they startve to death or get turned into Road Kill By a car. Doge:That is just cold. Spongebob:But that rarely happens due to the fact that someone can be unfrozing just by someone else touching them. And Due to his smarts he created the Telsa Knife. A Knife designed similar to a Nikola Telsa creation. The knife is sorrounded with Electricity. Doge:But since his knife is made out metal and electricity attacts metal wouldn't the Murderer get electricuted by his own knife. Hyper Anon:Roblox has weird psychics. Anyway since his knife has electricity when it makes contact with someone they will get electricuted to death and fried to a skelaton. Doge:Raiden! we found someone who can relate to you. Wait can he teleport or fly by saying random shit? Spongebob:No but he kills for a living like Raiden Twisted Murderer upgrades Flamming knife Ice Knife Electric Knife Hyper Anon:The Murderer isn't perfect Doge:Hahahahahhaha! Tell me about it. His plans usually fail. Spongebob:He also struggles to kill all of the innocents due to them hiding and can be killed by a stray bullet. The Murderer also seems to lack psychically preferring to use a knife. He lacks battle experience and doesn't fight much. Doge:Wait a minute. Smart. Doesn't have much psychically. The Murderer is a nerd! Hyper Anon:I guess you are right Doge. Weaknesses Plans usually fail Struggles to kill innocents. Lacks Psychicaly Lacks battle experience. Spongebob:The Murderer has pulled of some amazing things. He can kill atleast 1 innocents sometimes even a pack of them at once. Hyper Anon:He has fought multiple sheriffs and other murderers. Doge:So He fought himself? Spongebob:No just other murderers that lack skills,lazer knifes,and the bullet dodging reaction skills. Anyway the Murderer is an expert of various different styles of killing. Doge:But keep in mind... Remember when we said that he wasn't perfect. Yeah he is kinda featless. Why else do you think he always loses the goddamn game. But when that ocassion comes. Oh boy. You know you screwed up bigtime Feats Can Kill atleast 1 innocent Can Sometimes kill up to a pack of innocents at the same time. Fought Sheriffs and Other Murderers. Mastered Various Styles of killing. Doge:Featless or Not. When he pulls out that knife you better start running. Category:Death Battles Category:Candidates for deletion